I wrote this last year as a Facebook post, but I think it makes a better blog...
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Photo by Alex Green from Pexels |
I talk a lot about executive functioning (EF), but about a year ago, I experienced something which serves as a perfect example...
That afternoon after my appointment I had to rush back to my desk so I put my coat and bag on my bed.
(1) Of course I didn’t even notice it for the rest of the afternoon...(2) I decided to have a bath and thought, I must take the coat and bag downstairs...
(3) I got out of the bath and realised I didn’t take my towel in the bathroom...
(4) So I went out of the bathroom, dripping wet, to get a towel from the bannister
(5) I saw the coat and the bag on my bed and thought, I must take the coat and bag downstairs...
(6) I dried off in the bathroom and then
(7) went into the bedroom in my towel...
(8) I got dressed and put the towel on my bed...
(9) and then remembered I needed to take the coat and the bag downstairs AND put the towel back on the bannister...
All of a sudden there was this extra element and it was like I couldn’t work out how to get the purse in the bag, the coat and the bag downstairs, and put the towel on the bannister. My brain was totally discombobulated... it took me a couple of minutes to recombobulate myself...
Each of these steps was a conscious thought. Not a lot comes automatically (except maybe driving)
This is executive dysfunction #neurodivergent
it’s just one step for neurotypicals!
I also think this is why I miss steps out of activities too, and Nickie will say ‘Why didn’t you put the vase on the floor before you tried to open the freezer?’ But in my mind it’s a step that doesn’t even register - the ‘put the vase on the floor’ step was filed under ‘not a step in this process' and I didn’t even think of it. This is what makes it SO difficult to form habits because the process is never linear in our minds.
I can manage simple habits, like taking my meds, most of the time... but even that can be screwed up because I sometimes forget... and if something changes... well... I’ve nearly taken double of my meds (because it’s now 1 bigger tablet instead of 2 small ones!) I’ve taken 2 large tablets because that’s what I’m used to. And I’m also struggling to add an iron tablet to my regime, even though the iron tablets are NEXT TO MY OTHER MEDS! It’s a change and my brain is like ‘wtf? nope. shut it down!’
And you might wonder ‘why don’t you just do it now, while you’re thinking about it?’ Well, I raise you a month old bottle of Barocca that I see every day (after forgetting about them in the morning also) and STILL don’t just put it in a glass! And why? It’s a bigger process, with more steps than you think... For neurotypical people, taking a Berocca is a single step process...
(1) Get a glass of water and take the Berocca.
For someone with an executive functioning disorder, this is so many steps...(1) Go downstairs to the kitchen
(2) Get a glass out of the cupboard
(3) Take the glass upstairs
(4) Look for the Barocca
(5) Realise you’ve left the Barocca downstairs
(6) Walk downstairs and go to the kitchen
(7) Find the Barocca on the side
(8) Put Barocca in the glass
(9) Walk upstairs
(10) Sit down at your desk and put the glass on your desk
(11) Check your emails
THREE HOURS LATER
The really bizarre thing is that I only noticed this was weird just recently... Like I really thought that neurotypical people were actually processing these millions of steps, in real-time, in the right order, perfectly? Nah, it’s just one step for them... helped me understand a lot of my life over the past 20 years...
