Regressing

It has been ages since I've posted a blog, but today felt like the right day to update.

Since I had covid-19 in April, I have found that my ADHD medication is less effective. I feel as though I have regressed. this manifests as confusion, poor executive functioning, making mistakes at work, being late for meetings, struggling to prioritise tasks, clumsiness, time blindness... but the worst parts are the memory problems, and the forgetfulness.

The memory problems include having to be told repeatedly, mainly by Nicki, things that she has already told me; for example, what time she's DJing on Saturday evening. she has told me so many times, even now I’m struggling to remember what time she's on.

The forgetfulness is more about tasks. Forgetting to feed the cats, forgetting to eat, forgetting to drink water even when it's in a bottle right in front of me. Even forgetting what I was going to write here. I've gone back to feeling like I've got early onset dementia.

And the Horrid little voice that has plagued me since childhood has returned. I was wrong about the worst parts. This is the worst part. Until May, that little voice had all but gone away, but it's back with a vengeance. If you don't have that little voice, or have never had that little voice, it might sound crazy. It tells me I'm useless, incapable, lazy, a bad person. Rationally I know I am none of those things, but my brain just won't let me have any peace.

I spoke to my psychiatrist on Thursday, I when I mentioned this had been the case since I had COVID-19, he said someone else had told him the same thing that day. of course all anecdotal, there hasn't been any research on this topic.

My psychiatrist, the lovely Dr Tari from Psychiatry UK, has a plan though, which is 2 increase my Elvanse (Vyvanse) from 50mg to 70mg, plus 10mg Dexamphetamine Sulphate (Dexedrine) in the afternoon.

Unfortunately, my blood pressure is quite high at the moment. I had a panic attack last Wednesday evening. It lasted about an hour, and it happened while I was driving. Since then my blood pressure has been really quite high. Stimulant ADHD medication increases blood pressure and so until I can demonstrate that it is reducing I won't be able to increase my dose. Moving to non-stimulant medication what mean up to two months waiting for the medication to get into my system and become affective, and even then it might not have the dramatic effect I've seen with Elvanse.

I already don’t have very much caffeine, but I’ll be reducing that to zero. I have quit smoking, as some of you may know, and today I did some Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT also known as tapping), 2 meditations, and cuddled the cat while listening to a relaxation frequency on Spotify.

• Yesterday my BP was 158/100 and my heart rate was 102.
• Today my BP was 147/89 and my heart rate was 82.

I'm going to switch to a CBD vape, get all this nicotine out of my system and let's see if we can't sort out this high BP! I need to start exercising too really, so I might start a yoga class at Arcadia (our local council run gym), but I need to get my executive functioning actually functioning before I can do that - maybe it will give me some much needed dopamine.

This has felt like a huge step backwards, just when my life was getting into a rhythm, but hopefully I’ll bounce back soon.

Fingers crossed!

Lydia