Chaos

What a weekend, and back to work tomorrow. It was Manchester Pride and I did a couple of drag shifts on the door of Club Tropicana. Brilliant! 

The only problem was that it threw my routine out of whack! So, I forgot to take my medication (anti-depressants) on Saturday, couldn't sleep Saturday night until 6am, and was so busy on Monday that I barely sat down. My dopamine levels were, and still are, on the floor. I left chaos throughout the house, and even though Nickie kindly tidied my office on Saturday afternoon, by the next day it was a mess again.

I then took my medication late on Monday and then wondered why I was having stomach cramps on Tuesday - a sure-fire indication of Citalopram withdrawal (that's my anti-depressants). This always happens when my schedule changes; whether it's a change in work schedule (the main reason I prefer a 9-5), an event (it always used to happen when I was hosting my drag night), or even just some annual leave, if I'm not doing what I'm normally doing on any given day, I lose the ability to manage my day.

It's another "why can't a be normal" thing. My plan for my two post-Pride days off was to clean the house, but I ended up completely muddled, exhausted, and unable to put tasks in order. I managed my aquafit yesterday, but couldn't swim today (I'm just too tired). This is why I try not to promise anything. I won't say "I promise to clean the house" because I'm often just not able to keep my promise.

The worst part of all this is that, while my body is on the verge of burnout, my brain continues with its nonsensical, rapid ramblings, switching from idea to idea, thought to thought. 

The good news is that I'm now on the titration list - titration is the next step in my ADHD journey where they try me on different doses of medication to work out which works best for me. The bad news is that the waiting list is 6 months long, and not the 12 weeks that I thought it was... but I've gone 37 years without ADHD medication, so what's another 6 months eh?

I'd better go and make dinner... hope I don't get distracted on the way downstairs!