Down with the sickness

Despite being quite physically poorly last week with laryngitis and a bad cold, it has been a positive week (not least because it wasn't Covid, I did 3 tests!) I put this down to doing actual self-care, and resting.

But what does that have to do with my ADHD? 

I have spent so much of my life giving myself rules like "if you take a day off work, you can't go out at the weekend, even if you feel better" and "if you're well enough to sit out in the hammock all day, you're well enough to go to work ". I have always punished myself for being unwell, but I have never known why. This generally leads to me going into work sick until somebody sends me home, coming back to work too early and having to go sick again, or missing out on things that I am actually well enough to do because I feel like I don't deserve it. 

This is due to an inability to emotionally regulate, and RSD - Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria. Being criticised causes physical pain and makes me believe that; everyone hates me, I'm going to lose my job, I have upset my wife... etc etc. Because of this, I often struggled with taking care of myself. I would go to work when I was clearly too ill. I would push through pain. I would deny myself basic self-care as I punished myself for stuff that wasn't my fault.

But last week was different. I cancelled my Monday walk as I just couldn't manage it. I also cancelled my exercise classes (and got a credit note so I didn't lose any money). I also didn't punish myself for not going to aquafit or the gym. I was ill, and even though it's not covid, it was really important that I avoid interacting with too many people.

I had a bath, let the steam soothe my sore throat and relaxed with my VirginGo app and QI on Dave. 

I actually went to the doctor, something I have avoided doing through the pandemic. I thought it might be tonsillitis because I could barely speak and couldn't swallow. 

I took a day of sick leave on the advice of my brilliant manager so that I could actually recover.

That was last week. 

This week, Nickie has caught my lurgy, but I'm at the tail end... thankfully! So we're doing everything we can to improve our immune systems - vitamin c, Yakult (because gut health is so important to overall health), plenty of rest, chicken soup...