It's a bad day

Today is what, in the past, I would have simply called a bad day or I might have said I was feeling stressed. Researching further into ADHD, I now have the language to explain how I'm feeling. 

It's not stress really though, it's struggling to regulate my emotions. Last night I worked late on some data analysis for work, which threw my whole schedule into disarray. Because work finished later, winding down happened later, and so sleep happened later. I already fall asleep quite late anyway; delayed sleep phase syndrome is often associated with ADHD. While Nickie is snoozing away next to me, I am often wide awake until after midnight. It takes me longer to wind down, and fall asleep.

Last night, I also experienced broken sleep due to the cat waking me up at 4am. I then struggled to fall back to sleep. All in all, it was a crap night, and because of this a few things happened.

1. I snapped at my boss; I couldn't control the words that came out of my mouth.
2. I completely forgot how to do my job; the simple task of getting through my morning became insurmountable.
3. Everything gained a few extra steps; my automatic behaviour really suffered, for example, making a coffee - I had to abandon the milk pan in the sink because cleaning it was one step too many.
4. Everything aches; not enough sleep means that my dopamine is probably quite low. As I mentioned in my last blog, low dopamine can contribute to aching joints and muscles, and I'm really feeling that today.
5. Distraction is off the charts; I just can't focus on my work.

We all have bad days

So how do I combat all of this?

First I let my manager know that I hadn't slept well and apologised for snapping. Then I looked up some dopamine-enhancing food and started a food shop for delivery later in the week (it's low saturated fat and high animal-based protein). I also looked into Tyrosine supplements, and my try those next month if the diet doesn't do anything.

Next, I ate breakfast - a bacon sandwich and a coffee. It was late, but it definitely helped to have some calories in me. I realised that my ADHD coach was right and I need to make myself a "Job Bible" with all of my processes written down (just for me) and a full minute-by-minute schedule of what I do every day, so on days when I can't remember how to do my job, I have a reference guide. I switched on some soothing music "Pure Moods 1997 re-release". That's currently really helping.

Finally; I forgave myself for not being a "good human" today. We all have bad days, and whether it's related to ADHD or if I'm just struggling a little for other reasons, that's fine. Nobody died. The work will get done.